Three Truths about Typical Turkish Men
The personality traits of a gentleman, smooth talker, romantic, and extreme flirt are all wrapped together to give you the typical Turkish man. At first encounter you will be charmed, wooed, and certainly enchanted by his “going-out-of-their-way” hospitality and attention. But be cautious. Some men have ulterior motives, and some will definitely get you into trouble.
When I first came to Turkey, I was given no warning about how typical Turkish men would act. I wondered if they would be anything like American men, the only type I knew, or if the culture would alter their personality completely. I had heard stories of getting lots of extra attention from men if you were naturally blonde or red-headed, but that seemed normal since those are very distinct foreign looks. Nonetheless, I had a rude awakening about the characteristics of typical Turkish men within the first month I lived in Turkey.
I didn’t date much in high school or at university, and I wasn’t given much attention by men. All of that was fine by me. I am a self-proclaimed bookworm and nerd to the core, so nothing could keep me from the gorgeous university libraries or research lounges. My experience with speaking or talking with guys all came from my two best male friends and my two big brothers–obviously nothing romantic or flirtatious there.
Furthermore, I thought that having tea or coffee with a new male friend would mean nothing because how could tea or coffee be anything but harmless?
These are simply my experiences in my small city outside of Istanbul.
Now, this type does not describe all Turkish men, because I have met some really great male friends while in Turkey. I’m also not trying to create a stereotype about typical Turkish men. These are simply my experiences in my small city outside of Istanbul. Not all of these traits or experiences are only a result of Turkish-ness. Some of the stories that I have heard have been due to women beginning the flirtation themselves, and some men have a view of all Western women as being the same as women in movies.
That being said, here are three things I have learned about typical Turkish men:
Three Truths about Typical Turkish Men
1. Typical Turkish men are persistent.
If you are casually asked to have coffee or tea, and politely decline, that may stop them—for a few minutes. Even if you haven’t tried to give them extra attention, some take even simple eye contact, a small laugh at a joke, or just the fact that you are alive as an acceptance to their marriage proposal. If you say no to them once, they will ask again, or they will lie low until you notice them again.
To me this was so bizarre because in the States most men get anxious even asking a girl out (kudos to those who have the courage to take that risk). Once they’ve been shot down they don’t attempt again. The only way to deal with Turkish men’s persistence is to grin and bear it. Soon they will find another girl and/or you will begin dating someone, which will turn them away because…
2. Typical Turkish men are jealous.
This does not solely go for Turkish men; this is true for men and women here. Jealousy is part of their culture and a fact of life. If you are dating a Turkish man or woman, there are no other men or women that exist anymore. Now in America and in the UK, jealousy is a green monster that most people have a strong distaste for.
Here in Turkey, if you are not jealous of whom your partner speaks to, looks at, or hangs out with, it is the equivalent of raising a small flag that states, “I don’t love him/her.” It also doesn’t matter how many times you try and explain the cultural difference—they won’t change their minds. Because of this jealousy you have to be careful of who you hang out with because…
3. In Turkey, everyone talks.
If you have tea with a guy after a class and someone sees you together—and they most certainly will—within the hour your classmates, your school, and all of your friends will have found out. There have been instances where I have been walking around town and I ran into one of my students. We decided to chat for awhile, usually for them to practice English. By the end of the day I would be asked by either my boss or friends if there would be a date soon.
So what can you do? You continue to live life.
The attention is going to come, and you have to accept it. In the beginning you think you are royalty, but the best way to make sure you are safe is to use common sense. In Turkey there are different social norms that you have to follow. Here it is all about being continually conscious about what others are thinking, both if they see you alone with someone, or if a guy is asking you to hang out.
At the same time, typical Turkish men are not always to blame. My personality can, at times, seem very social or flirtatious because I am a bit sarcastic. Sometimes I come across as initiating, while really I’m just trying to be myself. Therefore, while a lot of the bad press about typical Turkish men centers around jealousy and persistence, it is a two way street—with a misunderstanding of both sides’ social norms and cultures.
Have you traveled to Turkey and dated Turkish men? Email us at editor@pinkpangea.com for information about sharing your experience and advice with the Pink Pangea community. We can’t wait to hear from you. Photo credits by Unsplash and Haley Larkin.
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As a Turkish guy you should not convert your religion to Islam or something just because of your lover or anyone. Because in some Turkish families, religious tradition or something like that is so important. They will cover your hair even if you don’t want to. They will force you to do islamic things(if they are too religious). As i understand your boyfriend’s family are this kind of people. And this kind of people might see you as a breeding-sex machine who just have to clean the house and make food only. They won’t care much about you. So you should not make that mistake. Find a secular Turkish man next time,not religious one. Muslim religious people are not same with Christian ones.
This comment for warning about some muslim families for you. Not all of Turks. Just like me. I am a secular person who cares about women,people etc. My point is ,there is only one or two thing you need to be careful. Just ask him, ”Are you secular?” and ” Do you like Ataturk?” If he say yes then he is a secular modern good guy. If he say no,then he might be shariah supporter or an islamic person who don’t give a f*ck about women or something 🙂
Both of my parents are Turkish but I was born in the United States. I have travelled to Turkey a lot a speak the language fluently. I’ve only dated on Turkish man before. The relationship was very innocent so I have no experience with Turkish men in their early 20’s.
I have an intimate graduate level Turkish reading class with 4 other students. Three of them are young (male) engineers who came from the same university abroad. They are best friends with a clear dynamic. The class is kind of a piece of cake for them as they are native speakers but I digress. It appears that the most handsome one of them has taken an interest in me or I am reading the signals totally wrong.
It really does feel like he’s focusing his energy on me. There’s a lot of eye contact, smiling, and such. He’s in a room with his best friends and yet persistently does things that engage me like asking clarifying questions about statements I’ve made. Twice he’s looked straight at me while talking to the teacher about details in the reading that pertain to relationships. When asked what the author was feeling in the moment and throughout the piece he looked straight across the table at me and said “he wants a woman.” A week later the teacher describes a scenario in which this young man has a girlfriend and they’re struggling to stay together. Once again he look directly across the table saying “if I could get a girlfriend first.” We are several weeks into the course at this point and he sits next to me every class. There’s usually a lot of smiling and such in my general direction. The other day he asked me how late the banks are open on Saturdays (something that he could have easily googled on or possibly figured out in two years of living in the US). On the way out of class today he told me that the paper he wrote was so bad that a five year old could have written it and that I probably wouldn’t want to read it. Then he proceeded to ask me if he could ask me a question. “I’ve been thinking about this a fair amount, which one of your parents spoke the language because you don’t really have an accent when you speak? (this is honestly surprising to me because my mother always gave me a hard time and said I sounded like an American when speaking). He proceeded to explain that women do a better job of keeping a language alive in the family than men.
I could be totally reading into it because he’s kind of cute. My friend says that an outside observer would likely say that there is chemistry but she has only heard my side of the story. Either way I keep replaying the scenes in my head and telling myself to stop smiling so darn much in class. It does at least feel a little like he’s trying to get my attention. His friends are totally stoic with no apparent interest in me. Oh who knows. Excuse the ramble.
Do you think he is interested in me or just being friendly? What is the best way to approach this situation? He keeps asking me questions and I get all flustered because I definitely have a crush. I have yet to start a conversation with him. I would hate to scare him off and have an awkward rest of the semester. I’m not really sure about dating dynamics in Turkey. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
I just met a Turkish man, he drives a yellow cabe. I havent seen him for a few weeks. All of the sudden I saw him due to a called a yellow cabe and it was him.So I said, hello to him, he said u remember me, I replied yes I remeber u.We started talking he told me if I wanted to talk more we could see each other. He ask me if I was single I said yes. But there is a age difference he is 46 yrs. old, I am 59 yrs old , but I told him I was 50 yrs old. He really thought I was 45yrs old, due to I look younger and good. But I have not dated him yet due to his cabe job. But he told me not to hesitate and call him if I need a ride, to call him and he will pick me up anywhere. By the way he was born in the united states and went to school here. I should I do, wait for his next move to take me out. I am a bit lonely need to date a man. He is very tall, medium built, light skin and dark hair and eyes. I seem to like him and would like to go out with him. I am puerto rican american and educated woman and Catholic.
I’m coming back to this website, which I’ve been visiting these days cause I’ve also met a Turkish guy I was falling for. I met him on holidays, he was amazingly nice, respectful, good-looking and attentive. We were both on holidays, and I came back home before he did so he kept writing me everyday, sending pics, or his location. He even wrote me when he went back home. He’s been back for 2 days and yesterday night he didn’t write anything at all, so today I told him my intuition was telling me he was married. At first, he said “come on”, but then he acknowledged he was married, he added me on facebook, and I could see he also has a kid. He apologised for his behavior, and then told me he would like to continue…
Look, I thank God or the odds, or whoever that nothing happened between me and him, except from a couple of hugs and kisses, because I would have felt so bad today. And believe me, he looked as the most innocent, best man on Earth and still he doesn’t seem to be bothered that he’s cheating on his wife.
My advice is that if you want an adventure, Turkish men are great, they will make u feel the luckiest woman ever. But if you want a relationship, chances are you become the mistress, or the cheated on wife.
Sorry about that. This is what I’ve learnt from my experience.
BTW, this guy had nothing to do with the Turkish guys working on resorts. He was a well-educated, upper-middle class man.
Where was his home town? Diyabakir not izmir i suspect.