The Truth About Dating Spanish Men
Four months into my big move to Spain I was wondering if I would last the whole year. Teaching English in the small town of Linares, Jaen wasn’t working out how I imagined it would. However, after spending the holidays in Italy with my family and yearning to go home, I headed back to Spain determined to make the best of my remaining five months there. Within a week, I met my Spanish boyfriend, and three years and many challenges later, we are still making it work.
What is like to date a Spanish man? Spanish men have the reputation of being tall, dark and handsome, with thick accents that can make you swoon. As with anything, it’s hard to generalize, especially when it comes to dating in Spain, because each region has a somewhat distinct culture. However, there are some similarities. Here are some things to keep in mind for your Spanish love affair.
The Truth About Dating Spanish Men
Family matters
The first and most important part of dating a Spaniard is meeting their family. Meeting the family is a big deal in most cultures, but even more so in Spain. Expect it to happen pretty early into the relationship. Three weeks into dating my boyfriend, I still remember when he timidly asked me if I would like to meet his sister and niece. I was surprised at how soon he asked, but it was clearly very important to him.
Weekly dinners or even daily lunches, where the whole family comes together, are really common. And once you meet the family, you’re immediately a new member of their circle and they’re thrilled to have you. Be prepared to join in with those weekly dinners. Also, it can sometimes be the case where your amante has nights set aside to eat with their family alone. Don’t be offended if his Monday or Tuesday night is always booked for family dinners and he has to meet up with you after. It’s common.
He still lives at home
While we’re talking about family, it’s important to face the facts. The majority of Spanish guys still live at home. With an unemployment rate of 45 percent, this is understandable. It is also socially acceptable for young people to live at home until they are in a serious relationship or until they’re married. Since this is the case, it normally isn’t a big deal, especially if you have your own apartment where you can have your alone time. It’s just a matter of getting used to the idea of a 28 plus year old still living with his parents.
The language issue
The language barrier may or may not have an impact on your relationship depending on each person’s proficiency in their partner’s native language. I was lucky to have a solid base of Spanish when I came to Spain. I have friends who started their relationships with zero Spanish and their boyfriends had zero English, and they’ve made it work.
Things can get complicated when it comes to those inevitable arguments. I’ve more or less always been able to communicate how I’m feeling to my partner, and understood his sentiments as well. But I’ve also learned that it’s OK to say that you don’t understand when you don’t. I now ask my boyfriend to re-phrase what he’s saying, when needed. And it’s especially helpful when you’re arguing because misunderstandings can make things worse.
When it comes to arguments, patience is always key. Even more so when you don’t share the same native language.
Plans DON’T exist
Plans do not exist here. The Spanish like to see where life takes them; they don’t limit what could happen on any given day by making strict plans. Ask them Wednesday or Thursday what they are doing on the weekend and they typically respond with, “Ya veremos” (“We’ll see”).
How does this apply to a relationship? Well, in mine in particular it was a bit difficult for us to overcome this huge difference between our expectations at first. I’m a compulsive planner, coming from a city where you have to schedule a coffee date with someone at least two days in advance. And my boyfriend is carpe diem to the max. As you can imagine, it led to quite a few arguments, especially when it came to planning trips.
With time, however, we struck a balance. I eventually adapted to the Spanish lifestyle and became less compulsive in planning, and he understood that for bigger trips, we had to make reservations and plan in advance. In our daily lives we move to our own rhythm. Whatever strikes us in the moment, whether it’s taking a walk or heading to a café, we decide then and there.
The romance reality may not match the reputation
Spanish men have a reputation for being incredibly romantic. I actually think part of that comes from confusion with Latin American men, who I’ve found are actually much more romantic than the Spanish. That being said, this does vary depending on the person. I personally haven’t seen or heard of Spanish men randomly buying flowers or chocolates for their girlfriends, or trying to woo women by breaking out a guitar and singing to them.
In fact, Spanish men are quite shy and not at all forward when it comes to talking to women. My boyfriend was an absolute gentleman–to the point where I wasn’t sure if he was interested. Another friend of mine said she thought her boyfriend was mean at first because he barely spoke to her, but it turns out he was just incredibly shy. When you meet people at parties, the guys almost always wait for you to strike up the conversation with them. So, if you’re looking to meet a Spanish lover, be prepared to make the first move.
Being with my Spanish boyfriend has been an eye-opening experience. Dating someone from a different culture, especially one so different from the extremes of New York City, has its challenges. But overall, being with my Spaniard has helped me to truly adapt to la vida española.
Related Reading
Spanish Culture: Machismo Dominated Social Attitudes
Siesta and Fiesta: Acclimating to Spanish Culture
Spanish Guys: 5 Ways to Fend Off Catcalls
Have you dated Spanish men? What were your impressions? Email us at [email protected] for information about sharing your experience and advice with the Pink Pangea community. We can’t wait to hear from you.
Photo credits for The Truth About Dating Spanish Men by Unsplash.
I met such a a great Spanish guy from Spain LOL . 6 weeks everyday we talked a couple of times a day. Never met anyone like him like i am almost in love. However he is back in Spain and we will try to make it work with this distance. Are they really use to the long distance thing? Even thou there are millions of other women in the same continent? I do love him btw hahah
“With an unemployment rate of 45 percent”? Where do you get your data!!!???? 😛
Spain Youth Unemployment Rate
“Youth Unemployment Rate in Spain increased to 45.50 percent in March from 45.30 percent in February of 2016. Youth Unemployment Rate in Spain averaged 34.29 percent from 1986 until 2016, reaching an all time high of 55.90 percent in July of 2013 and a record low of 17.20 percent in February of 2007. Youth Unemployment Rate in Spain is reported by the Eurostat.”
http://www.tradingeconomics.com/spain/youth-unemployment-rate
hi there , thanks for the article , i was in Spain last year i stayed there of almost 14 months , i agree with 99% of what you wrote in here ,but i have to add that men in Spain are really diverse , men from Asturias or in the north are shy, quite , and they have German like behavior , men in the south are Mediterranean type , tan , manly and forward kind of men . over all they are great material for aromatic relationship .
Thanks for commenting, Anne! You’re totally right about the men in Spain being really diverse. From one region to the next there are so many cultural differences. It’s one of the most fascinating things about this country.
Thanks for commenting, Faisa! You’re totally right about the men in Spain being really diverse. From one region to the next there are so many cultural differences. It’s one of the most fascinating things about this country.
Hi Nina!
I find this article very apt….at least in my case. My Spaniard boyfriend has already introduced me to his family via videos, pictures, etc. He loves his nephew and niece and often indulge into conversations introducing them. It is pretty sweet cause I am happy to know that he loves his family. Family matters, language issue, Romantic side, lives with family …this all exists in my case as well. And yes once during a fight I had to use my google translator to clear the misunderstanding….(pretty funny come to think of it). Anyways, would you know or will you be able to help me. I met him during my vacation in Spain twice for a brief period. At that time he knew nothing in English so we were using our translators. Thereafter, we kept in touch via wats app and later he flew to India for a month. However, I could only spent 1 week with him and now he speaks decent english. He says that he has never felt like this before and that he loves me. Do you think he is being genuine. He told me that he is committed to me and if he is not able to get a job in India he will come in October to India. Please advise
Hi, Neha. Thanks for commenting and sharing. Unfortunately, there’s not much that I can say about your situation. Each relationship is so unique and so are the circumstances. I think in your case you are the only one who really knows him and what his intentions are best. What I can share is that I have done long distance with my boyfriend, and I know how hard it is to communicate and establish and maintain a relationship overseas.Not that it’s impossible. My biggest lesson from that experience is to always stay true to myself and be secure in my life outside of my relationship. In any case, I wish I had something to offer, but like I said, you know yourself best, and you understand your situation the best. Good luck with everything!
This was a treat to read! I was very surprised to learn that Spanish men can be shy. I never would’ve thought this; it’s much different than French men!
Loved reading this article. The title caught my attention, and I’m glad I clicked on it and read it.
Thanks, Rachel! Glad you enjoyed it 🙂
“you’re amante “?????????????????? YOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
randomly buying flowers?????
Based on 1 Spaniard and a wide sample of Latin American men??
Title should be “Dating my Spanish Boyfriend” etc.
Hi, Sherry. Thanks for the comment. Myself and others totally didn’t catch the “you’re amante.” You’re the first one to have caught it! Thanks for pointing it out. Also, you’ll notice that in the intro I noted it’s hard to generalize. Really, isn’t every single relationship and person unique regardless of race, culture, etc.? These are just some similarities I’ve found yes in my relationship and also having spoken to multiple other women who date Spaniards, and having lived in the country and gotten to know the culture and the people very well. Sorry the article doesn’t agree with you. Thanks again for commenting!